😬 Should you have said that?
What happens when we expect perfectionism from ourselves and others?
Hey Reader,
Have you ever put your foot in your mouth? Said something you probably shouldn't have? Posted a thought, image or video on social media that backfired?
It sucked, right? You might have felt guilty, stupid, ashamed, called out, or even lost friends over it – or all of the above.
These days, most of us are content creators of some kind – and doubly so for you, since you're here trying to learn more about how to write, edit, publish, and promote your book.
As a content creator or simply human who uses the internet Reader, you are most likely acutely aware of how easy it is to go viral in the wrong way, garnering the kind of comments that make your stomach churn.
While I think it's important to have honest, open, assertive communication around issues and that being conscious of our language use is highly important, I also know that the fear of saying the wrong thing and getting called out or attacked online can often be yet another way society silences the voices of marginalized communities.
In my Write Your Friggin' Book Already® program (which BTW is opening again soon), we have a group of participants whose books will be published later this year. Some of the biggest mental hurdles in getting their story out in the world is the fear that their books will be imperfect.
I once saw a therapist online (I wish I knew who so I could quote her) say this and it changed my life:
Perfectionism is a trauma response.
Both trying to be perfect, and expecting perfection from others.
I know that as a queer person I sometimes feel like we cannabalize our own, fighting internally because we feel so attacked by society at large.
As I was going through the process of finding an agent and publisher for my novel Because Fat Girl, I was told by many people it was highly offensive to lesbians and queer women simply on the premise alone. Never mind that it was based on my own experiences and the experiences of queer and bisexual women in my life.
Once people read it though? They friggin' loved it. So much that the book is in every airport and bookstore in the country right now. (Grab a copy here if you haven't read it yet!)
Should you make amends if you harm someone with your actions, including the words you use. Abso-fucking-lutely.
But when we aren't allowed to step outside of our comfort zone, we aren't allowed to grow.
If we aren't allowed to make mistakes, we aren't allowed to learn.
When we don't allow for imperfect action, we also don't allow for healing.
Are there things I've said or done that I absolutely shouldn't have? OMG YES. So many that it's hard to face them sometimes without blushing and feeling shame.
But the lovely humans in my life that call me in, educate me, and show me a more empathetic and empowered way of being have made me a better human. And by allowing me to be imperfect and learn and grow, we've created a safe space for us to try new things, use our voices, and thrive together.
So if you are worried about saying the wrong thing, I get it.
You will absolutely mess up. Do it anyways.
Your book will have flaws (mine has a couple typos even after a year of editing!). Write it anyways.
Because the world needs your story now more than ever.™
With imperfect love and enthusiasm,
Lauren
P.S. If you want a community of diverse aspiring authors who won't let you be an asshole but will let you be an imperfect human learning and growing, then check out my Write Your Friggin' Book Already® program. We're opening again soon and only accepting a few people, so if you're interested reply to this email and I'll save you a spot!
P.P.S. Damn, even writing this message makes me worried I've said the wrong thing. But I'm grateful to have a community here at School For Writers® that will let me send imperfect emails encouraging you to also be imperfect. <3
📘Helping diverse storytellers thrive.
School for Writers® is on a mission is to diversify publishing by helping you write, edit, publish and market your books.
We want to help you amplify your voice and thrive as a creative being. Check out our website to find some inspiration, grab a freebie, or enroll in a course.
Because the world needs your story now more than ever.™
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Popular Courses
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🎨
Your Creative Life Blueprint: Making space for art is a busy and chaotic world.
Build your legacy ––>
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Lauren's Fiction
Because Fat Girl: A queer contemporary romcom
The bestselling novel that's "warm, open-hearted and utterly inclusive." For everyone who’s ever felt too big, too weird, too queer—or just too much—comes a happily ever after for the rest of us.
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Plot Twist: A Collaborative Novel
A Choose Your Own Adventure-style interactive project where you get to decide what the characters say and do next. As the story unfolds, you'll get to vote on key decisions, shaping the shocking twists, exciting turns, and hilarious mishaps along the way.
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Lauren's Non-Fiction
The Writer’s Career Guide: How to Build a Sustainable Creative Life on Your Terms
Want to make a living as a writer without waiting for a bestseller or sacrificing your creativity?
Forget the myth of the starving artist. In The Writer's Career Guide, I show you how to create a thriving writing career on your own terms and reveal exactly how to build a sustainable career that honors both your creativity and your bank account.
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Bawdy Love: 10 Steps to Profoundly Loving Your Body
Longing to love your body as it is right now, right here, no exceptions?
Part self-help workbook and part coloring book, Bawdy Love offers practical steps to help you release shame, break free from negative self-talk, and find peace in your own skin.
This empowering book takes you through actionable exercises and thought-provoking prompts, with fun coloring pages of animals and inspiring quotes, illustrated by acclaimed artist Liza Mana Burns.
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Looking for other book recs? Check out our faves here.
